My mom's birthday.
My Aunt's birthday. (Dad's sis)
My high school *bff's birthday. (We're still close)
My high school **bf's birthday. (We're not so close)
And as of this year, the day that I would have had my baby, if it had been a baby and not a tumor. (Read the story here.)
This spring, when the doctor told us I was due Nov 19, I couldn't help but smile. It's always been one of those happy days when good things happen, so it seemed extremely fitting.
I remember Cory making a joke right there in the exam room about how we might be having Thanksgiving in the labor and delivery unit of the hospital...
Loss of an expectation, of our dream. To us, it was the little one we've been waiting so long to meet. Until it wasn't.
I'm allowing myself to feel it a little today, and consequently remembering why I prefer to hide it away.
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| Found here |
*bff- best friend
**bf- boyfriend
Eeeks. Stings a little. I don't blame you at all! It would have been a super special time to be due, that's for sure. I've been thinking about you lots lately, hope you are doing ok!
ReplyDeleteAw thank you Kelsey! You're very sweet. I'm actually doing really well. Just had a moment there. Those hurting moments are kind of like big gusts of wind. They come on suddenly, bringing it all back, but they don't last very long. It usually takes a few minutes to cope with my emotions, but I always start thinking hopeful, positive thoughts afterward, even if they're unrelated happy thoughts. Cory's great too because he's been so optimistic and encouraging. It's been a tough road, but I know that I've already learned and grown so much from this experience. So for that, I am grateful. :)
DeleteIt is surreal. I had a miscarriage last month, I was supposed to be 10 weeks but when I went for my first appointment, they couldn't find a heartbeat or see anything besides the sack. It had stopped growing at 6 weeks, there was no baby. :( We didn't expect that at all. I opted to take meds at home to induce the miscarriage. Andrew was great and let me lay in bed all day while he watched Kaden, and I endured cramps from hell and watched conference. (I think it being conference day when it happened made it a little easier to bear, but I'm still sad.). I just found out today that my hormone levels are finally negative. I just want to get this behind me and move on. Sorry to share my whole story, but I haven't really told anyone bbesides family. Good luck, hopefully positive vibes are coming both our ways!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story Kendra! I'm really glad you did. It took me about 4 months before I shared mine with anyone outside of my immediate family. Even then, I've still largely kept to myself about it. I posted the story here on my blog in August to kind of get it off my chest, and several lovely ladies I know posted supportive comments that really helped ease my pain, so I'm glad I put myself out there. :) I know we're all different, but I understand what you are going through, and I feel for you. Miscarrying is much harder physically and emotionally than I ever expected, and I think without going through it, its just a hard thing to understand. Way to keep a good attitude though! Good things are ahead for us, even if we have less control than we might have thought. :)
DeleteYou have been in my thoughts ever since your loss. I hope you know you can always talk to me. Never feel bad about being sad, it is a sad thing. You are amazing Jamie!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Rylie! :) Your comments make me smile and help me feel peaceful somehow. I know that if anyone knows how I'm feeling its you, and though I'm not necessarily glad that we've had our sad experiences, I'm glad that you understand what I've been dealing with (and more), and that you are so willing to reach out to me. Thank you again for the support, it means the world to me. :)
DeleteWow Jamie. This is an incredible post. You are so talented at writing, especially when it comes to conveying your most personal emotions and feelings. I love you so much and I'll pray for you extra today. Love you always.
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